Exclusive: Riquelme Talks To Boca Offside!

By: Brett | October 21st, 2009

boca2

As Argentina braces itself for the biggest match of its domestic season, the Boca Offside has secured an exclusive interview with none other than Boca playmaker, and President of the Diego Maradona fan club, Juan Roman Riquelme. Enjoy.

Boca Offside (BO) – Good evening, Senor Riquelme.
Juan Roman Riquelme (JRR) – Hola.
BO – Let me start by asking – how would you like to be addressed? Senor Riquelme? Juan? Roman?
JRR – My friends call me Romi. You may call me this.
BO – Romi? Where did that come from?
R – Well, my middle name is Roman, so it’s a short version of that.
BO – Ah, I see. I was wondering, because you look nothing like that chick from that average movie with Lisa Kudrow.
R – Actually, it’s one of my favourites. It’s pretty hilarious. Post-it notes. Did they really think they would get away with that? Ha! Gets me every time.
BO – Um, ok. So, Romi – this weekend is going to be a big one.
R – For sure. Colon de Santa Fe against San Lorenzo will be huge. The winner will take top spot. Can’t wait to watch it.
BO – Actually, I was talking about the Superclassico.
R – Oh yeah, is that this weekend?
BO – Sure is. Kinda why we organised this interview. Mind if we chat about it?
R – Fire away. I am ready.
BO – Wicked. So, Boca have finally gotten going this season after an average start. Will this momentum serve you well against River?
R – I’m sure it will. We have won our last three games and are beginning to find our feet. The title is still a possibility, especially given the way I am playing. Seriously, did you see my back heel in the Racing match? Or my goal against Velez? Pure magic. Sometimes I wonder how I do it.
BO – Yes, the team does seem to struggle without you. What do you put this down to?
R – The fact that I am wicked. C’mon, who else would attempt an audacious back heel in the box, let alone pull it off? Insua? Noir? Palermo? No way. The shit I do is special because only I can pull it off.
BO – Yes, Romi, you are incredible.
R – Gracias.
BO – But, getting back to the Superclassico – what’s your opinion of River Plate at this stage of the Apertura campaign?
R – My opinion of River will never change. They are llama f*ckers.
BO – Llama f*ckers?
R – Llama f*ckers. They enjoy f*cking llamas. Usually they can do this and play decent football, but it seems like they’ve now decided to give up the football side and simply f*ck llamas, fulltime. I mean, one win from nine is disgraceful.
BO – So, am I right to assume you’re confident of beating River this weekend?
R – Wouldn’t you be? Setting aside their desire to have sex with llamas, look at their team. Who will stop me? Buonanotte, Gallardo, Abelairas? These names make me laugh. And Ortega? Well, not even I will comment on him these days…
BO – The match is at El Monumental. Doesn’t that even the playing field a little?
R – El Monumental is hardly a fortress. They haven’t won their last three league games there. It has a running track for God’s sake! What self respecting football ground has a running track? The only way to even the playing field is for me to have mercy on them and not play. But this will not happen.
BO – Fair enough. How about scoreline prediction.
R – It depends how I feel. How much I want to destroy them. But, I will say – Boca 5, Llama F*ckers 0. I will score three – a free kick, one from the half way line and then I will chip the keeper. I will then provide assists for Viatri and Insua. But not Palermo, that son of a…..(trails off, inaudible)
BO – Yeah, what’s up with you and Martin Palermo? You two just can’t get along.
R – I don’t want to talk about it.
BO – Is it because he tears his shirt off when he scores goals?
R – No, no. No more questions.
BO – is it the hair?
R – I must go.
BO – Is it the fact that he, a man who has surely never pulled off a decent nutmeg in his life, is captain of Boca?
R – This interview is over…

The Boca Offside would like to thank Senor Riquelme for his time. It would also like to add that this interview was translated into English from the original Spanish, cleaned up alittle, and may or may not have taken place at 3am in a Buenos Aires nightclub. And by nightclub, I mean strip club.

Going to the Arsenal game? Find out how to get to North London and where to stay near Emirates Stadium.
Buy tickets to Arsenal games.